Crimson Regrets and Betrayal
by ShikabaneHime56
Summary: Allen's was of coping with misery is discovered by the same person who causes that same misery to plague Allen's life. how will Kanda fix the betrayal felt by Allen? based on song Tourniquet by Evanescence.
1. Chapter 1

here's another story for all you people! i know its kinda short but... i hope you enjoy it anyway! inspired by the song **_Tourniquet by Evanescence._**

Disclaimer: i don't own -man

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><p>The crimson blood flooded out of the wound. Allen flinched as the cold metal blade sliced into his pale skin creating a horrible red gash across his wrist. The pain was mind numbing and soon he could not think coherent thoughts. He couldn't remember when this horrible chain of self mutilation had started but he was too addicted to care. The cuts were his way out, his only salvation from the dark world he lived in. he was too lost to be saved by anything else. They helped him cope with the misery in his life that had seem to start from the day he was born and abandoned. Memories of what had just transpired in the café flooded back to him; making fresh new tears well up in his eyes. Kanda was right when he had said the Allen was a freak of nature. Allen knew he would always be alone. He knew Kanda spoke the truth when he said no one would ever love him, it just hurt to hear the Japanese swordsman say that. Allen had an infatuation with Kanda but he would never admit to it. It made his heart hurt to hear Kanda admit to what he really thought of Allen.<p>

More blood flew down his wrist like a gentle stream. Allen half smiled at the puddle of blood forming on his bath room floor. When did he become such a masochist? He didn't tell any of his friends about his little "habit" he always put a brave face for his friends and acted like everything was all right. His masked seem to fool everyone around him. They never saw him in such a weakened state. Without thinking Allen cut into his wrist for a third time, this time with more force than necessary. The gash went deep exposing the horrible red skin and blood splattered everywhere. It started to drip of the walls leaving streaks. The pain racked through Allen's body and left his mind buzzing. Looking down he could see the reflection of the 14th staring back with a sadistic smirk playing across his lips. Dark spots clouded his vision as he screamed in agony and feel to the floor. The steady rhythmic dripping of the crimson liquid lulled him into a state of total darkness. "This is the end" he thought as he slid into unconsciousness.

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><p>Kanda was mad as always. The annoying rabbit had ruined his peaceful lunch like always. Why count people just leave him alone to sulk in his venom? And to his annoyance he and the Moyashi had gotten into a fight. Kanda was so enraged that he called Allen "a freak of nature" because of his red arm. He had also told him that he would never be loved. After that the damned beansprout ran out of the cafeteria with tears streaming down his face.<p>

_Flashback_

"_Oii Bakanda, stop torturing the poor finders!" a voice shouted from behind Kanda_

_Turning around he saw Allen standing there, glaring up at Kanda with his hand cocked on his hip._

"_Nani? Who do you think you're talking to pathetic moyashi?" Kanda snapped at the young boy, causing him to slightly flinch. But this didn't make Allen back down _

"_Well of course you Bakanda! I said stop treating those finders so poorly….and my name is Allen! Are you stupid?"_

"_I don't care what your damn name is. These finders are useless and are only more baggage for the exorcists to deal with. They get killed off too easily. They are weak" Kanda shouted back, rage filling his tone, fingers twitching to grab Mugen_

"_That still gives you no right to treat them that way. They risk their lives every day to help us! At least show them more respect"_

"_Che, that will never happen"_

"_Why do you have to be a cold hearted bastard all the time?" Allen asked, concern filling his tone. Maybe he could get Kanda to be nicer to the finders, to be nicer to everyone…_

"_The same reason you're a freak of nature that will never be loved by anyone" Kanda yelled angrily, but as soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back. The sound resonated across the cafeteria. All talking stopped and an eerie silence filled the café._

'_No' Allen thought as his eyes began to burn and fill with tears. Kanda couldn't really think that about him could he? Allen knew the answer all too well. It was painfully clear that what Kanda had said had been the truth. Not wanting the cold-hearted samurai to see him cry, Allen fled the café, leaving a guilty feeling Kanda to watch him go._

_End Flashback_

Kanda felt a sting of guilt and regret. The truth was that Kanda really did like the stupid beansprout. He really didn't think Allen was a freak of nature. In fact Kanda thought he looked better with all his oddities. Without them Allen just wouldn't be…..well Allen

In his thinking Kanda didn't seem to realize that he was passing Allen's room. Realizing his position Kanda thought 'maybe I should just apologize to the damn moyashi.' In an instant an agonizing scream came from Allen's room. Kanda jumped slightly at this, shocked, then ran as fast as he could towards the door. Twisting the handle, he found that the door was unlocked

"Tch, stupid moyashi is gonna get himself hurt, leaving himself so vulnerable like this!" He stepped in slowly, fearing that the stupid Beansprout had gotten hurt. After taking a quick scan of the room and finding the bedroom empty, he walked towards the bathroom. Slowly opening the door his eyes widened in horror. The sight that graced his eyes sent a wave of nausea crashing through his body. The walls were dripping red with blood, obviously Allen's. The floors were soaked also with the deep crimson liquid. The sight that scared him the most was the Beansprout lying in a pool of blood, with more dripping out of a deep gash on his wrist with smaller cuts around it. His silvery locks were matted with the twisted liquid, the blood causing a stark contrast to the boys pale complexion. Kanda's eyes widened in horror, negative thoughts filling his head.

'Did someone break in and try to kill him? Was it a Noah? I'll kill the bastard who hurt him' Kanda thought as rage swept through his system. But what caught his attention was the red stained blade laying limply in the Moyashi's grasp. Cursing under his breath he quickly hoisted the boy up on his shoulders and ran as fast as he could to the hospital wing. Not wanting to knock Kanda barged in

"Help, an exorcist has collapsed"

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><p>Allen felt as though he was floating, floating in nothingness. 'Am I dead?' he thought as his conscious seemed to flow with an invisible current, pulling towards an unknown destination. This seemed to go one for an eternity until he saw a light up ahead. "Maybe it's a way out" as he got closer it seemed that the light began to take form. Soon the thing in front of him was<p>

'Mana' Allen choked out, shocked, happy and saddened at the sight of his dead adoptive father

'Allen, my-my, haven't you grown into a fine young man' Mana said as a sad smile graced his lips "I wish I could have been there to see it all'

'Mana, I'm so happy to see you, please don't leave me again. You're the only one who has ever loved me…..even though I'm a monster'

'Allen, that is not true, you are not a freak of nature. I am not the only one who loves you, so wake up and find that person'

'No! Mana I am not leaving you again, please don't leave!' Allen was crying now, wet hot tears streaming down his face. Mana reached as to wipe them away but was slowly getting pulled back towards the light

'I love you Allen. Wake up Allen! You must wake up!' and then he was gone and Allen was surrounded in the darkness once again.

'No Mana! Come back! I don't want to wake up, please just come back!' Allen screamed as his conscious was pulled back and he woke with a start.

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><p>Since Allen had been brought to the hospital wing, Kanda had not left his side. There he was, sitting by the brat's bed, holding his hand after the doctors had bandaged up Allen's wounds. He was in a coma because of the amount of blood he lost.<p>

"Just wake up already! Damn bean sprout"

After hearing that Allen was in the hospital all his friends came to visit. Lenalee cried at Allen's bedside as Lavi rubbed soothing circles on her back. Kanda didn't tell anyone of how Allen got the wounds. He didn't know how they would take it if they knew the type of things Allen did to himself. Kanda would keep the bean sprouts secret but he knew he could not let him keep harming himself. Yes, he had noticed the other scares that graced the pale boy's arm. It was horrifying. What if's swirled in Kanda's head. What if Kanda hadn't been passing Allen's room when he heard his screams? Would he have bleed to death? The mere thought of Allen dying sent Kanda's stomach in knots.

Allen always looked so happy to everyone else but Kanda saw. Kanda saw that the smile never reached Allen's eyes. Kanda wondered what kind of hardships the boy had went through to cause him to be so empty looking. It always seemed like Allen was just smiling for their sake. That at any moment he would just curl up and start to cry. It saddened Kanda to see this but he would never admit he cared. He was Kanda Yuu after all, the cold hearted bastard of the order.

In all his thinking Kanda missed the slight fluttering of Allen's eyelids, but he didn't miss the boy jumping up suddenly, His eyes wide with confusion.

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><p>As Allen's eyes adjusted to the change in lighting he realized that he was in the hospital wing of the order. 'When did I get here' he thought as his eyes traveled the room, finally stopping at the familiar blacked haired samurai sitting by his bed side.<p>

"Kanda…?"He questioned.

The raven stared back at him with wide eyes, shocked at the boy's sudden awakening. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever until Allen looked down and noticed something peculiar. This sight made resentment and hate wash over him.

Blushing, despite his angry and bitter feelings he asked "Kanda…Why are you holding my hand?"

End of chapter 1

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><p>okay there it was! this story will probably be two chapters total. This will be the longest I've written so far! Review and tell me watcha think! the universe will thank you if you do!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

yay! happy new years! its officially another year! we survived so I decided to finally posted this! Its been sitting in my computer for a looong time! :) this was inspired by the song _**Monster**_ by Meg and Dia. I've been obsessed with it for a while now! you guys should listen to it! its...very deep and emotional. any way ill stop babbling so u can read! enjoy!

Disclaimer: Didn't I put this in the first chapter! I don't own! stop rubbing it in! :'(

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><p><em>last chapter<em>

_"Kanda…?"He questioned._

_The raven stared back at him with wide eyes, shocked at the boy's sudden awakening. They stared at each other for what seemed like forever until Allen looked down and noticed something peculiar. This sight made resentment and hate wash over him._

_Blushing, despite his angry and bitter feelings he asked "Kanda…Why are you holding my hand?"_

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><p>Allen P.O.V<p>

As I opened my eyes, the realization of what had happened came back to me full force. The minute I woke up everything just seemed so weird. First of all I'm not dead, which is a big surprise to me. I thought for sure that I had died from blood loss but this was not the case. I was also in the hospital wing with no memory of how I got from my room to here. And to top it all off, Kanda Yuu; the most cold-hearted person I've ever met and the same one who said I was a freak, was sitting by my bedside _**holding my hand. **_On any other occasion I would be elated that he was showing some kind of affection to me even if just a tiny bit, but now all I felt was resentment, hate, and sadness. 'Why would he want to hold my hand if he hated me that much?' I questioned myself in my head.

It didn't seem like he would answer my question any time soon, so using my sweetest smile my I asked again

"Kanda...why are you holding my hand?" I said, a little more harsh and colder than normal, a contrast to my smile. This made him flinch back and retract his hand as though he had gotten an electric shock. Sadness washed over me. So he really did hate me and thought I was a 'freak of nature.' Even though I knew this, the realization hit me again like a cold slap to the face. It brought tears to my eyes despite my best efforts to keep up my smiling image. I could feel the hot tears streaming down my face and a sob rack my body. At the sight of my tears, Kanda's eyes widened in shock.

"Allen...I..." he seemed to be struggling to get the words out but I wanted to talk

"Did you find me?" I said barely a whisper as my voice shook. He mutely nodded his head so I continued my interrogation.

"Why?" he seemed confused so I elaborated.

"Why did you save me? Why didn't you just let me die? WHY WOULD YOU SAVE A FREAK OF NATURE!" I screamed and waited for his answer.

Kanda's P.O.V

I was shocked at the sudden outburst. Allen almost never yelled at any one, even if they deserved it. He was almost always smiling that empty smile, his composure never failing. He must be really hurting to get this way. To think I was the cause of the pain and sadness he was now feeling made me feel instant regret. I didn't know how to answer his questions. He seems to be staring at me with an almost pleading look, waiting for my answer. I just couldn't tell him about the affection I felt for him. He would be disgusted.

In my thought I had become silent, causing Allen to cry harder. I didn't realize that my silence had hurt him

"Get out" I heard he whisper. Shocked I turn to face him. Did he really just say that?

"Allen…. I'm…" I tried but my voiced failed me

"Just GET OUT" he yelled, facing me fully. I could see the tears streaming down his delicate face, turning his normal gray-stormy eyes red and blotchy. It really did pain me to think that he now hated me for my horrible words before. I had to do something to prove that I really did care for him. As I scanned his pale face and my eyes settled on his plump lips, an impulse overthrew my thought. Leaning down to his eyes level I slowly pressed my lips to his, taking in the sweet taste of his lips from all the mitarashi dango he ate. His eyes widened and he remained unresponsive to my coaxing. Soon I felt a hand trying to push me away and a sharp pain on my lip. Jerking back I stared at Allen incredulously; he had just bitten my lip. He was shaking very violently and crying even harder than before.

"Just go Kanda. Get out. I don't want you here" he choked out. Not knowing what else to say or do, I respected his wishes and turned to leave, hearing him sob silently to himself.

"I'm sorry Allen" I whispered, knowing he couldn't hear me and that it would take more than an apology to fix what I had done.

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><p>The door slammed closed causing Allen to flinch sharply at the sound. He just couldn't take it anymore. The way Kanda played with his emotions. One minute he was calling Allen a freak and the next he was kissing him ever so sweetly. To think about the way Kanda kissed him made his heart leap but he knew it shouldn't.<p>

'Kanda probably kissed me out of sympathy' thought Allen.

He didn't want any hope to start filling his head with useless ideas that could never come true. He knew his role in life was to be the creature everyone pitied and resented. The one that would never be loved by anyone, only Mana. He had almost forgotten this while at the order. He was semi-happy and felt accepted. He still cut to forget about the pain of losing Mana but he was slowly becoming whole again. But now Kanda helped him realize that he was all alone and that he would never be truly accepted. Even God had forsaken him, cursing him with this hideous left arm that made people believe he was the devils spawn.

Allen traced over the multitudes of scares that graced his human arm. All the pain, anger, hatred and sadness went into each one of these scares but they were not as deep in comparison to the ones on his soul. He was in agony and he just wanted it all to end.

Getting an idea, he jumped out of his hospital bed and ran through the door.

He was going to get out of this torture, and this time no one would save him.

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><p>Kanda stalked down the hall, fuming in his anger. He felt like a complete idiot. He had made Allen hate him so much as to outright reject him. It seemed that Allen didn't even want to touch Kanda. Even thought he tried to stop it, the thought of Allen hating him made him feel horrible. He didn't want to be the one to break the boy; he had already been through so much in his life. Kanda was one of the few people in the Black Order, beside Lenalee, Lavi and Komui, to know about Allen's horrible past. Kanda remembered the first time Allen had told him about it.<p>

Flashback

_Kanda was walking late at night through the drafty corridors of the Order. He was having trouble sleeping, so he decided to walk around to clear his head. It was so silent; all the people usually bustling about were asleep in their assigned rooms. Soon a sobbing sound broke the silent calm. Walking forward to investigate the sound, he was slightly shocked at what he saw. The Moyashi was sitting on the window seat, looking at the full moon, and appeared to be crying. He didn't appear to have heard Kanda's approach_

"_Oii Moyashi, what are you doing up so late?"Kanda grunted. This caused the boy to jump and try to rub away the tears. Kanda stepped forward and grabbed his hand. Allen's eyes widened at Kanda touching him at all._

"_Moyashi, why are you crying? Crying is for the weak." Kanda asked in his harsh tone. Allen realized that this was Kanda's way of caring so Allen smiled._

_I'm fine, you don't have to worry" he said before turning to head back to his room. He was getting up when a hand pulled him back. Turning to glare at the offending hand, he saw concern briefly flash across Kanda's eyes._

"_Allen, what is bothering you?" Kanda asked. Allen felt suddenly happy that Kanda seemed to care._ _No one had ever cared as to ask him about his past before so he told him everything._

_ Flashback_

That night Allen had told Kanda everything and even now, whenever Kanda thought about it, his body got cold chills. Allen had been through more than his share of hardships in his life. Abandoned at such an early age because of his arm, and casted aside from society ever since. Then when he finally found someone to accept and love him, the same person was ripped from his life by the cruel hands of fate. To have been robbed of the love every kid deserved twice in his life made Kanda realize why Allen always had that fake smile of his face. He wore a masked so he wouldn't be hurt every again. But Kanda had hurt the boy once again, no wonder Allen had tried to kill himself.

"Ugh, I feel like such an idiot!" Kanda exclaimed as he turned around and ran back towards the hospital wing, dead set on apologizing to Allen, no matter how long it took.

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><p>Allen stood over his bathtub contemplating what he was about to attempt. He had made sure the door was locked this time, so no one could save him this time<p>

'Like they would really care to try' he thought bitterly. Unscrewing the cap of the bottle he held in his hand he began to pour the light yellow liquid, filling his tub only half way. He took up the next bottle and poured it in. now it was completely filled. Soon there would be no going back but Allen had no intention of stopping now. This needed to end soon. Taking out the small box of matches he had in his pocket, Allen lit one and ran it across the water's surface. Instead of flickering away like most fires would do in water, the flames began to roar to life, filling the dark bathroom with a pretty orange glow that reflected off of Allen's snow white hair. The flames were almost enchanting, like pretty glow flies, and Allen wished he could stand there and watch the flames dance forever, but he knew he had to get this done quickly. As he stepped closer to the tub, the lines of the song **Monster** by Meg and Dia flashed through his mind  
><strong><em>There bath tub<br>full of glow flies  
>bath in kerosene<br>there words tattooed in his veins_**  
>He let out a dry laugh at the similarities the song held with his life. It was even named after him, monster.<p>

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><p>Kanda had run to the hospital wing but the Moyashi was missing from his bed and not one of the nurses saw him leave. Kanda began to panic. What if Allen was off trying to kill himself again? Kanda couldn't live with himself if Allen died because of his horrible behavior.<p>

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><p>wow...i just noticed that i used a lot of breaks! ooppppsie! anyway i hope you enjoyed the second installment. my usual person who reads my stories(mimi-chan) couldn't do it so i had my mother read it. It resulted in her asking me why i was writing about to gay guys! i was pretty embarrassed! anyway <em><strong>Please Review!<strong>_ it makes me giggle!


	3. Chapter 3

Hey I am so SORRY for making you wait like 3 months! I would like to blame Ymara but I can cause its totally my fault. You can stone me with rocks cause i totally deserved it! Originally I was gonna end it in this chapter with a death and leave u guys all angry but Ymara gave me an awesome new plot idea to add to it. So thank her for the better ending that is soon to come!

I would like thank the academy! and all the little people like all these who reviewed!

SenpaiNoSasuke ,Akemi Williams, ShinigamiSiblings, Kuroya-hime, SOMEONE, awesomeliciousnes ,Katsumi Hatake, BlueStar1937, kuro, Fan of Lavi

And these who Faved

Akemi Williams, Alissa Lee, Exile Wrath,kagehi, Kuroya-hime, LadyDrago88, LadyOfVulcan, OutsidersWhiteTiger, SenpaiNoSasuke, ShinigamiSiblings

And all the others who alerted (sorry i'm really tired of writing names but that desnt mean i dont love you all equally!) for all those who werent named i give you virtually cookies and hugs

*smiles dazzlingly*

Disclaimer: I dont own!

NOW ON WITH THE SHOW !

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><p>Kanda had run to the hospital wing but the Moyashi was missing from his bed and not one of the nurses saw him leave. Kanda began to panic. What if Allen was off trying to kill himself again? Kanda couldn't live with himself if Allen died because of his horrible behavior.<p>

Kanda's P.O.V.

Where is he? That troublesome moyashi was absolutely nowhere to be found. It was like he just disappeared of the face of the earth. I checked the bathroom, the cafeteria (which was Allen's favorite place in the world) and all our annoying friends. No one had seen the peculiar boy. I paused to think and catch my breath. Now if I was an annoying, emotionally unstable moyashi where would I be? I questioned myself. Then the answer hit me like a thousand Akuma bullets. The moyashi had to be in the…..

Normal POV

Allen took a deep breath to steel his fragile nerves. It was only natural for him to be slightly jumpy in this situation. Even if his life was hell there were little parts that he would miss, things that he did enjoy to some extent. He would miss the cafeteria and having a bed to sleep in. He would miss the feeling of being needed even if it was to just fight akuma. He would miss, most of all, the people he had grown quite fond of. Lenalee, the cheerful and pretty Chinese girl with a tough mindset and a dark past. Lavi, the future bookmen/genius that was always smiling and very caring (even against the rule that he couldn't get attached). Komui, the eccentric sister-complex leader of the misfit exorcists. Everyone from the science department to the finders to the cafeteria crew (especially Jerry). Even Kanda…..

Yes he admits it. He would miss Kanda, maybe more than the others. The cold hearted bastard has officially taken his heart. And had broken and mangled it till it was shriveled up on the floor, beating weakly. Only love could make him feel whole again but that wasn't going happen from Kanda anytime soon. He just hoped maybe...

_'No don't think about that now! He's just going to hurt you again!'_ his inner self yelled at his wandering thoughts. It was right of course, He couldn't allow himself to hope because that would make him question what he was doing, back out then just end up in the same predicament again. He couldn't handle this loneliness anymore and that thought calmed his nerves and gave him a sense of peace with this.

"I'm ready" he declared sadly as he stepped towards the flames.

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><p>Kanda stood outside the Moyashi door debating with himself. Should he enter and check on Allen? Would that make the boy even angrier? He didn't seem to really appreciate Kanda's last attempt at showing affection.<p>

"Maybe I should just leave him alone." Kanda muttered under his breath but he knew he couldn't. His heart ached at the thought of Allen doing something stupid and knowing that he could have stopped would haunt him forever. Gathering his courage he grabbed the door knob and twisted it, expecting it to be open like the last time but it was locked.

"Well that confirms my suspicion. The moyashi probably learned his lesson from last time."

He slipped mugen out of it sheath and swung with as much strength as he could muster (which is a lot) causing the door to fall to the ground in pieces with a resonating thump.

_Komui's going kill me he though_, running into the bathroom...

Allen was almost in when a loud thump came from the direction of his bedroom. He paled at the sound.

'Oh no, someone's hear.' he though, immediately thinking that maybe Kanda was in his room.

He dismissed this thought and moved with new urgency. He swung his leg over the ledge and quickly submerged himself in flames. At fist the flames were warming but soon he could feel the intensity of the flames lick at his skin with a vengeance. It was mind wipening. The pain was so over-whelming it seemed to wipe everything away in its path. His sight, smell, and hearing were gone. He could only feel. He could feel the tears as they streamed down, getting evaporated as soon as they left his face, he could feel his throat getting dry and raw from the screaming he was probably doing. The flames began to spread, engulfing everything in its wake. Stars began to dance across his vision as it blurred and turned to endless black.

Kanda heard screams erupt from the bathroom and he ran towards the door. He was shaken by the sight before him. Allen was covered completely in flames; his skin became discolored and seemed to be erupting in blisters. It was horrific and it made Kanda sick and queasy. Not fully thinking of what would be the best plan of action he ran closer to the tub and thrust his hands in the flames, trying to reach the boy. It hurt like hell but he didn't care. The only thing that seemed to be running through his head was to save Allen. Finally getting a good grip on the boy's arm he pulled upward with all his might. The boy's body broke out of the flames surface and landed on the hard floor with a thud. Kanda hurried to his side and started to feel around, looking for a pulse, for any sign of life no matter how small. He could feel his heart beat through his chest lightly  
>Kanda let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. The moyashi was alive, barely, but that meant there was a chance to save him.<br>Scooping up the smaller listless boy in his arms he ran as fast as he could to the infirmary. Allen felt so broken; being cared in Kanda's arms it was sad. A sense of déjà vu washed over him as he barged throw the nurses door and urgently asked for help.

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><p>Allen had been asleep for hours now. The doctors said he was badly burned and might not live through this. He was covered in bleeding blisters and skin had been peeling off at an alarming rate. His skin was a horrible mess and it looked as if he was mangled. It made Kanda sick as they bandaged him and applied all kinds of medication. Nothing seemed to work though. He had been burned so deep it had damaged nerves and blood vessels in the dermis. They also mentioned that he had inhaled a lot of gas that could be harmful.<p>

Kanda hadn't told anyone what had happened but everyone was still suspicious and rumors seemed to be flying across the Order. He didn't care though. He only cared about staying by Allen's side until he woke up. Once that happened Kanda would tell him how he felt, that he loved him and that he would never leave Allen alone ever again. He would force the boy to hear what he had to say so they could live happily ever after. He smiled slightly at this.

'Yes, Allen will survive this' he thought hopefully.

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><p><em>2 days later: Kanda's POV<em>

Allen's condition has been getting worse as time wore on. None of the treatment seems to be making any difference. The boy was getting skinnier to the point that he looked like a stick. They stuck an IV in his arm so he didn't die of hunger. His light breathing turned to shallow gasps, as if every breath caused him immense pain. He just wouldnt walk up, it was like he had lost all will to live and refused to awaken from his slumber. I felt so helpless, not having any way to ease his agony. If only I had acted without hesitation, maybe I could have got to him faster and he would be on the verge of death.

The room once silent in my quiet thinking was filled with an urgent beeping. Startled I looked around looking for the source of the beeping.

"Where is that coming from?" I asked aloud, obviously confused.

The Medical monitor, the source of the beeping, was showing lines that were rapidly going up and down. Not knowing much about medicine, I ran urgently to find a nurse. As I reached the door the insistent beeping transitioned into one long note, BEEEeeeeeeepp and I ran back towards the bed in a panic.

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><p>It was late at night and yet Kanda stood there, looming over the coffin, his silhouette outlined with a white light reflecting from the bright full moon. It wasn't fair! Why was the moon happily shining when the room itself was pitch black, filled with sadness so thick it seemed to roll of the walls themselves? Kanda gazed with sorrow at the opened coffin. The white haired beauty looked so peaceful, as if he was just asleep but Kanda knew better. The boy was dead to this world and that was the truth. No matter how much everyone tried to deny it, to wish that this all was some kind of freakish nightmare that they would soon wake up from, the truth was lying underneath that falsehood like a sore waiting to arise.<p>

The funeral had been a somber occasion filled with silent sobs and heavy hearts. The raw emotion flowing through the room was staggering. Even Chouji, though he had hated the boy, couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Allen had been an important component to the order, why hadn't he realized that before? Everyone here cared for him so much, especially Kanda.

The samurai tried to keep up a strong face while inside he was hurting. The pain was stabbing him repeatedly in the heart, each time more painful than the last and leaving him just as breathless. Finally alone in the dark room Kanda broke. He fell to his knees with an agonizing scream. It hurt, It hurt so much and Kanda didn't know how to deal with this despair.

"Allen...please come back!" he screamed at the dead body as he clutched the boys hand in a death grip. He didn't care that he was showing weakness, he didn't care about anything at that moment. The only thing he could thing of was Allen and how cruel God was for taking his beloved away from him. Hatred that began to bloom inside him mingled and merged with despair, creating a sensation so foreign to him. It was frightening.

"Please God! Just give him back to me!"

"My dear exorcist, what pain and sorrow you must feel~" a sickeningly sweet voice said through the dark. Kanda instantly jumped into a battle pose. His hand reached for mugen but he realized he had left it in his room. Cursing himself quietly for being so careless and relaxed, Kanda readied to try and hold his own.

"Who the hell are you?" Kanda growled to the general direction the voice came from.

"I have only come to help you relive you pain and sorrow your detestable god has caused you~" the voice answered as a grotesque face arose from the dark corner, smiling as though he was a mad man.

Kanda stared in horror at the face of the Millennium Earl. "Why are you here?" Kanda questioned harshly, willing his voice not to break.

"I can return the soul of your beloved back from you detestable god...All you need to do is call out his name~"

Kanda stood there shocked, how could the Earl come here to try this? He was an exorcist and he knew the horrors that this deal caused. But what shocked him the most was that he was actually tempted to try it.

_I knew this deal if just a trick...but to have Allen back, even if it is as an Akuma would be better than not having him at all. Even if I have to die to get it. I deserve to die because I am the reason Allen killed himself. I deserve to die! I've should have been to one to die!_

In all his musing he didn't feel the presence of the Earl drift even closer. Snapping back to reality Kanda took a cautious step back to evade the diabolical aura that was overwhelming.

"Just call out to him and you can have your poor Allen's soul back~" The Earl cooed as he gestured to the akuma skeleton that had appeared moments ago. It should have been so easy to say no but Kanda couldn't do it. He tried to remember everything Allen had told him about Akumas. About how they suffered in intense agony. Right then and there he knew that he couldn't allow that to happen to the white haired boy, especially not for his selfish desires. He finally had his answered

Squaring his shoulders Kanda said " No! I love Allen more than anything and I would never let his soul suffer. He once told me that an Akuma's soul is trapped and suffer when it is turned into an Akuma. He said he could see the souls crying because they are saddened that they caused their beloved ones so much pain and they cry out to be released. I wouldn't wish that on Allen. He doesn't deserve to suffer!"

An erie silence filled the room as the Earl processed the young exorcists words, his creepy smile faltering a bit before it cam bace with a vengence.

"Okay my dear exorcist, I'll make you a deal you couldn't possibly refuse~!"

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><p>CLIFFHANGER!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

OMG! I don't even want to think about how many months its been since I last updated! With school ending and my summer classes starting I was so swamped that this went to the back of my mind. And whats funny is that... this chapter has been sitting in my computer for about 2 months now...

Hehehe... OPPS!

(What the fans probably want to do to me...)ლ[ಠ益ಠლ] (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Well enjoy this chapter. If there is any grammar corrections ( Which there definitely is... My midget editor never came back with the corrections...) please messages me and I'll try to correct them!

ENJOY!

Disclaimer: Don't OWN!

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><p>His soul felt as though it was being pulled upward by a strange current. The darkness around him gave way to a bright light that was being emitted by something up above. The overwhelming desire to go towards it seemed to torrent through his system. Slowly he moved forward until he was in reaching distance of the light. The white tendrils seemed to reach for him, cradling him and filling him with an unparalleled feeling of peace and utter joy. Reaching for it, he suddenly felt a pull in the other direction. He cried out as he was pulled back into the darkness by an unforeseen force<p>

'No! Where is it taking me?! I want to go forward! Please just let me go..,' he though in a panic. Suddenly a voice called out through the obsidian, not in a comforting tone but of one of mocking cruelty.

"You cannot rejoice in heaven's light young exorcist~! You have been called back to earth~!" it haughtily stated in a voice that struck a familiar chord in him. He had heard the voice before; he just couldn't exactly place it. Voicing out his inquiry, he replied

'Who or what are you?'

"I am…. The Destroyer of this World"

And with that said he was completely swallowed into the darkness.

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><p>Bright-gray eyes opened up to a dark-room bathed in silvery moonlight and an audible unsteady intake of air filled the quiet room. The young boy's head hurt as he tried to remember where he was and how he had gotten there. Trying to move his stiff neck, he turned his head to each side of his surroundings. Two walls surrounded him on either side, thick black, glossy walls.<p>

He was in a box of some sort...then realization hit him heavy. It was a coffin! He was in an open coffin! An intense feeling of dread and confusion wrapped around his throat and seemed to choke him.

Wasn't he supposed to be dead? Why was he still alive? This didn't make any sense. He tried calling out but his voice failed to make the words fall from his lips.

Grappling with his tormenting questions, the boy failed to notice the two presences that crept up on him.

"Hello exorcist~, did you have a nice nap~?" a voice mocked from the side. Shocked at being suddenly spoken to the boy's head whipped around and a searing pain ripped up his spine. He winced slightly but tried not to show the pain he felt. Looking at the source of the voice he gasped silently.

In front of him stood a demonic looking man in a Victorian outfit. He was round in figure with sickly gray-skin and very pointy ears. His face was adorned with the largest grin the boy had ever seen. The smile didn't move as the grotesque man spoke again.

"You looked confused, maybe you're friend here can explain~"

Friend? The boy looked to the side of the demon and was mystified. There stood a tall, lean, muscular man of Asian origin, perhaps Japanese, who seemed to be a little older than himself. His features were breathtaking, with his long dark hair that seemed to shine with a blue tint in the moonlight and dark cobalt eyes that seemed to have a sharp glint in them, which gave him a feral look. This also increases with his sharp angular face structure. Overall, the boy was a beauty to behold and Allen felt as though he should know him. A name seemed to be at the edge of his mind but he just wasn't able to extract it at will.

'What a pity. I would have loved to know his name. I feel that I should know it...' Allen mused in his thought until a gruff baritone voice shattered his thought.

"Beansprout, it's really you...you're alive..." the handsome teen breathed out in a voice that seemed to hint at the emotions of disbelief, relief, sadness, and happiness.

Allen turned and stared mystified at the perfectly small pink but full lips that just spoke in a deeply sensual voice that was purely heavenly.

Allen was thoroughly shocked when the elder teen leaped at him suddenly and rapped his lean arms around him in a tight hug. He could feel the boys hot breath in his ears; this action sent deeply felt chills up his spins and made his heart race.

"Beansprout? Are you alright? How do you feel?" the long-haired teen whispered in his ear, voice filled with concern.

It made Allen's heart hurt to hear the concern laced in the other voice and not be able to remember the boy's name!

"Hey Moyashi! Speak! Are you upset with me? I am so sorry..." The boy rambled on until Allen had had enough.

"Who...are you?"

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><p>Kanda's POV<p>

Kanda couldn't begin to describe the immense relief and happiness he feel when he saw the white-haired boy sit up slowly from the coffin that almost claimed him. Kanda had saved him from dying...that's all that mattered. Not even the deal he had made with the Earl mattered at this point. He would gladly fulfill his end of the bargain.

He watched as the boy looked around with a confused expression on his face.

He heard when the Earl said "Hello exorcist~, did you have a nice nap~?"

Allen didn't seemed to have noticed him until the Earl said "You looked confused, maybe you're friend here can explain~"

Wit that the cursed boy looked directly at Kanda with an expression of shock and wonderment. Kanda wanted to run up and hug the boy.

"Beansprout, it's really you...you're alive..."

Kanda mentally face palm himself. It was a stupid statement but that was all his brain could come up with.

He leaped at the boy and hugged him suddenly. He felt Allen stiffen but he chose to believe it was due to his confusion.

"Beansprout? Are you alright? How do you feel?" he breathed out in a rush, desperate to hear the white-haired boy's voice once more. As the silence went on Kanda began to think that maybe the Moyashi was angry at him.

"Hey Moyashi! Speak! Are you upset with me? I am so sorry..." Kanda began, wanting to apologize but stopped cold when he heard the words that seemed to shatter everything.

"Who...are you?"

Kanda stepped back as though he had been electrocuted. The mere thought of Allen forgetting about him made his heart heave and lodge in his throat.

"Allen...how could you not remember me?" Kanda croaked out in a voice dripping with the horror and sadness that was slowly drowning him.

The boy in front of him looked down, as though he was ashamed and said "I don't know who you are. I feel like I should know you….that you're someone important but I can't seem to figure out exactly who you are. All I remember is waking up even though I'm supposed to be dead. I'm sorry."

Kanda was shocked. His mind was racing with questions. "Why didn't Allen remember him? Did the Earl do something wrong to him? What if this isn't even the REAL Allen?' These questions swirled around him like a violent tornado of doubt, tormenting him. He felt like screaming out in frustration but his voice failed him. He would have stayed there forever but a voice from beside him answered his mental questions.

"I assure you, young exorcist, this is your Allen! I took back his soul from your God but his memory of anything before his death and of you are gone, maybe forever. Think of it as a blank slate~!" the Earl grinned.

Kanda's eyes widened. This was what he had wanted right? Allen didn't remember his part in causing his death. He could have a clean start with the boy!

He sighed in relief and approached the boy confidently

"Allen, My name is Kanda Yuu; I'm your...Lover. We are both exorcists of the Black Order. You were killed by an Akuma on a mission so I brought you back with the Millennium Earl's help."

Allen stared mystified and slowly nodded. He had believed Kanda's story wholeheartedly.

He reached his hand towards Kanda's face and let it hover by his cheek hesitantly. Kanda noticed and used his hand to press the boy's hand on his check. Allen blushed and at the sight of it Kanda chuckled in amusement.

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><p>Normal POV<p>

The Millennium Earl stood there awkwardly behind the two young men, having been forgotten by both. He sighed in exasperation. Deciding to leave, he opened a gate way and began to step inside. As he disappeared he called out, "Kanda Yu, remember our little deal...I will call for you very soon~! Until then I bid you adieu~!"

And with that he disappeared.

But Kanda didn't care. He had his Moyashi back and he didn't care about the deal he had made with the Millennium Earl.

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><p>Yup, I made you guys wait all this time and I still didn't reveal the deal! But at least I brought back Allen! I want to apologize some more! I am really sorry I let this sit here without updating! You guys can rage at me in a Review. I won't even be mad cause I deserve it! Anyway Chapter 5 in in the works so look out for it very soon!<p>

BYEBYE! 再见！


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